How are you training your loved ones?

How are you training your family and friends to treat you?
 
We had an incredible book club meeting this week discussing What Shamu taught me about life, love and marriage.
 
One particular lesson in this book really stuck with me. 

The author teaches that our loved ones are trained by how we respond to them, much like it is in animal training.
 
Have you ever thought about how you respond to your loved ones? 
 
Turns out, this sets a pattern.

For me, this shows up in communication.

How many minutes, hours, or days does it take for you to return your loved ones’ texts, calls or emails?

How often have you been too booked to get together?

If you are a quick responder, you may find that you are called more often and invited out more frequently.

If you aren’t, well, you may notice people stop reaching out.

We train our loved ones when and how often to call us or invite us out.  If we are always unavailable to communicate, we subconsciously tell our friends we are too busy to be present on the phone or in person to be with them.

Trust me.  I am the worst offender, probably of all, at this.

I am a “Do Not Disturb" junkie.

I keep “Do Not Disturb” on 90% of the time because I worry about forgetting and having my phone ring during a client session.  

But what this book’s lesson showed me was how this simple shift was also teaching my loved ones not to disturb me either.

I gave turning off “Do Not Disturb” a try and a friend called me this week and actually sounded surprised I answered the phone.  Surprised?

Another day, the phone setting had been on again and a loved one was trying to making super fun plans, and I was the one holding up the planning.

How we behave trains our loved ones how to treat us.

Are you happy with how your loved ones treat you?  If not, take a look at how you are training them with your behavior and begin to make a shift.

I’m not promising I will no longer be on "Do Not Disturb," but I am forever changed in recognizing that my response time needs to improve. My response time is one of my New Year’s Shifts (More on the New Year Shift next week).

But that "Do Not Disturb" function is powerful. 

Yes, it gives us reprieve from the dings and rings from the far too many sales calls we receive, but even its name is entitled.

Do Not Disturb Me, as if I’m the Wizard of Oz hiding behind the magical curtains.

And maybe that’s how we want it sometimes. 

Life can be hard and frightening. Maybe sometimes we think it’s safer to hide behind the curtains. But when we come out from the curtains, there really is a magical world full of color, connection, friendship and love waiting there for us.

As we wrap up this decade, take a moment to look at the areas in your life where you've been hiding behind the curtains that you’d like to improve and begin to see how your behavior may have trained that into place.

We will work on our stepping out from our drawn curtains next week. Until then, be the love you want for this holiday week. Be so much love that everyone you see this week feels it too. Be the Good Mana your holiday season needs. 

Have a wonderful holiday week!

Much love,
Erin