The season of cheers and tears

I am at T-minus 30 days until my oldest daughter launches off to college. To say that I want to savor every minute of this time together is an understatement. I want to cook all her favorite meals, enjoy our favorite movies together and bask in the simple pleasures of family dinner and car rides to the store…just one more time.

Any commercial, tv show or mention of college leaves me uncontrollably tearful. I have felt so guilty and baffled by the shedding of these tears.

Isn’t this precisely what we have wanted and planned for literally since her birth? Our years of investing in her 529 were intended for this precise moment.

So … why the tears?

This first-time college launch process has been such a surprise for me. These tears that have poured out from me have been instantaneous, uncontrollable and so very confusing­— until a friend defined them for me.

“This is the season of cheers and tears.”

Cheers and tears – emotional expressions that are both equally available and both equally important right now. I am cheering for all her hard work that positioned her right where she needs to be to study what she loves and to succeed and I simply cannot stop my tears. They are tears of grief, of pride, of uncertainty, of change.

They are tears of transition.

Cheers and tears- what a perfect way to describe this kaleidoscope of emotions.

A kaleidoscope’s beautiful designs are created by mirrors built into a long tube that reflect images of colored paper or glass cast upon two or more surfaces. As the mirrors move, transformational patterns are created as their beauty seamlessly blends from one intricate pattern into the next. The smooth transitions between each pattern are calming and soothing.

With every turn of the kaleidoscope, the anticipation of the next beautiful pattern is palpable as you hold your breath to be amazed by the next breathtaking blending of colors and shapes. The artistic evolution of these colors, as one design flows into the next, stirs up within us a sense of awe, beauty and connection. This simple tube of mirrors truly takes us away from the chaos of the world and allows us to be mindful and focus on the ever-changing patterns that ebb and flow right before us with masterful delight.

I now term this season of our life, the kaleidoscope of the college launch.

Our family looks a lot like that kaleidoscope right now. We are single-focused, peering down this one-way tube headed toward college. The countdown of the number of kaleidoscope spins we have left in this family chapter are numbered. Just like those mirrors, colors and shapes, we have been reflecting our own stories, memories and aspirations and witnessing each others' as we weave in and out of each others patterns.

And just as with every turn of the kaleidoscope, our patterns are all about to transform in a major way.

My daughter will launch and begin to care for herself independently while at school. She will learn to do laundry, feed herself and experience a new sense of community.

We will all learn to become more comfortable with one less plate at the family dinner table or with welcoming in a guest to occupy her seat every night.

Her younger sister will experience high school without her older sister shouting, “I love you Sister,” across the school halls just to embarrass her.

And me and her Dad, well… we have a whole new pattern to morph into in a month. We are now life coaches, advisors and friends to this adult we’ve just launched.

We get to continue being her greatest cheerleaders.

While one emotion makes the other one richer, there is also a state of mind that feels even more satisfying. When we can observe our emotions and witness them, rather than embody them, we have more energy for ourselves, for those we love and for the life that we love.

Beyond cheerful and tearful, there is a place of peace and empowerment that resides somewhere between these two emotions- it is a place that is called equanimity.

The state of equanimity offers us peace, rest and connection to the Divine and to our highest state of understanding- a place beyond emotion that is filled with awareness and contentment.

Reaching the state of equanimity is much like looking into a kaleidoscope. We admire the colors and shapes from a distance as we look into the long dark tube. This distance allows us to observe the beauty created and not feel attached to it.

Such is the same experience with equanimity. We observe our emotions from a distance and recognize their beauty in its most powerful form but no longer allow our emotions to overtake us.

As we continue to turn our family kaleidoscope into new and beautiful images, we will continue to transform as a family. Each phase will transition into its own beautiful masterpiece as we witness and observe these emotions and the journey they enjoy together. Through the cheers and the tears, we will find our new patterns as the kaleidoscope changes and our daughter will begin to create a kaleidoscope of her own.

Are you going through a transition in your life? Join me for this week’s meditation-Equanimity Meditation to help through life's challenges, and bring peace to the emotions that allow you to experience a richer, deeper human journey.