What's The Layer Beneath Your Anger?

A few years ago, I attended an incredible couples workshop based on the book Hold Me Tight.  Throughout the weekend, we learned how to communicate from beyond anger. When we are angry, we are actually sad, hurt or scared.

Communicating from a place of anger creates disconnection in a relationship. Anger is actually the result of a deeper feeling. It’s a means to express our more vulnerable feeling in a way that feels “safer.”

But is it really safer?  

What happens to our relationship when we communicate through anger? 

This workshop taught me there was a better way. 

Communicating from a place of sadness, hurt and feeling nervous, rather than from anger, draws connection.  It’s just one onion layer of emotion deeper than the anger but it makes all the difference in the world. We communicate from our heart which knows no anger.

Think about the last time you were angry.
What were you actually feeling? Hurt, disappointment, anxiousness? 

Would the situation have turned out differently if you communicated from this deeper place instead of from anger?

Here’s an amazing chart that helps you find that layer below your initial response.

What might happen if you communicated from this next layer? How much more connected would your relationships feel?

The next time you feel upset, pause and take a moment to find the layer under the mad and speak from there.  As you begin to make this a habit, you will begin to see your life feel more connected, more nourished and filled with so much love and connection. 

Much love,
Erin